Black Sheep

Your mind tricks make me chuckle,
and are easily done when I am distracted
 Mostly I feel obligated to satisfy your curiosity
to feel accepted.
 Which is a silly thing, really .
 But to not be accepted by someone who I wish to accept me,
would be accepting that I am useless and easily forgotten.
 So I allow myself to give off the information of my body freely.
 So that I am not longer a black sheep.

Waiting

Waiting on a darkened street corner
with only one spotlight.
And a faulty one at that.
Kinda cold here, kinda frigid.
But I'm just waiting.
I'm waiting for that awesome juxtiposition
that will likely blow my mind.
Rather like that actively faulty spotlight
on that dreary, empty stage.
No audience, save me.
Whomever wrote this play was not that good.
And the artistic director needs to
take a class in decor.
Kinda lonely here, kinda frightening.
Creeping headlights crawl forward.
The doors open but I shake my head.
I don't want to join in your little ride.
That will be a tough act to follow,
that driver's face.
I watch retreating red tail lamps
which fade into darkness.
Much like me.
Technically I am not here,
I am just waitng.
Waiting for the show to begin
on that dark, empty stage
with its broken spotlight.
The curtains are parted and there
is little original scenery.
Mostly some brown grass
and a few windblown pines.
It's drafty in here.
I don't think this show
is going to start any time soon.
I've been here for so long
I think I will go.
Oh, wait, here is someone.
He is coming downstage
and stepping into that spotlight
that doesn't work well.
Much like this play.
Now he is on the pavement.
I have been waiting a long while.
Keen on seeing this soloist
who will fulfill my deepest dream.
Come forth dark wanderer
and let me have it.
I will take it.
You do not perceive me.
You can not even know the maddness
of waiting.
Well, now you will know.
Now they all will.
"Follow me."
And so we do.
Into further darkness
away from the stage.
Take of me the fruit of the serpent
and become aware.
his eyes are darkening now.
He will not remember.
He will forget.
He will only feel.
Only feel and forget.
All is as it should be.

~Angus April 2010

The Promiscuity of the Homosexual

Often I have been told that I am anomaly. In the past I was part of the usual gay hookup sites like Manhunt or Gay.com. On such sites I would be looking for something that many of us are looking for here: Romance, Love, the works. Always I was contacted by people older than I was searching for sex. Sometimes I got the occasional guy that was my age, but I think I scared most of them away from what I wanted and what I was interested in (you know, intelligence?). Sex, sex, sex. It is indeed a wonderful and beautiful and sometimes profoundly deep event to undertake. However, there is a vast majority in the gay (male mostly) community that see it as something that needs to be had all the time.

Scott

My brother, Scott, once lived and laughed
as I do now.
But now he is gone
With only a memory to remain.
He fell, that day.
Fell because of some stupid mistake.
I'll never have him back
Except in my dreams.
He once loved and lived and laughed,
Much like I and you today.
We will never hear his laugh
Save in his offspring's smile.

~Angus April 2010

I am moved to tears so much

I am moved to tears so much
now a days.
A simple laugh from a child
a leaf falling
or a flower opening.
I stifle Them, or I try to.
Really, I try.
But They still come.
They come from deep within.
Deep inside my sinuous muscles
and frigid bones 
and purple blood.
They well in the bottom
of my eyes.
And then They fall
thick and slow and warm
all because of a cat stretching
a couple walking
or a voice singing
or a symphony's crescendo.
I am moved to tears
and collapse at both beauty
and wickedness.
Collapse into a molten pile
of human sea water.
I will stay in that pile
for maybe moments
or for hours.
Sometimes I let Them come
mostly I don't.
Now a days
I'm moved to tears
because of you.

~Angus April 2010

Someday.

Love isn't of flowers and chocolates
Of intelligent conversation.
It is of deep looks in endless eyes.
Love is two souls brought together
By a principle of attraction.
Feel my touch against yours
And we shall vibrate the starry heavens.
I will breath your name into a wind.
I yearn for an embrace
Only you are sure to give.
Love is a light that hums
When two souls combine
To dance to their unique song.
I shall feel your touch
As I feel your love
Someday.

~Angus April 2010