The Promiscuity of the Homosexual

Often I have been told that I am anomaly. In the past I was part of the usual gay hookup sites like Manhunt or Gay.com. On such sites I would be looking for something that many of us are looking for here: Romance, Love, the works. Always I was contacted by people older than I was searching for sex. Sometimes I got the occasional guy that was my age, but I think I scared most of them away from what I wanted and what I was interested in (you know, intelligence?). Sex, sex, sex. It is indeed a wonderful and beautiful and sometimes profoundly deep event to undertake. However, there is a vast majority in the gay (male mostly) community that see it as something that needs to be had all the time.



This is not to say that it is prevalent in the heterosexual community, but because we are homosexuals and are mostly portrayed as sexual offenders more attention comes our way about that type of stuff. And I really do think that this particular stereotype about the homosexual community is slightly true. Truly I am usually disgusted when as soon as I meet a guy that is homosexual there is no talking about anything cultured. It's simply: Kiss me; Oh, let me feel you up. Look, I have a condom, let's have sex.

Yes, we are men, and yes we have hormones, but can we not learn a little self-control? It is starting to become a requirement to be gay, I feel, if you had sex with at least twenty-odd people. Is it truly that important that we, as gay men, must have sex to be accepted as homosexuals? People tell me: "Oh, that is just what gay people do." What, do we have Sexual Roles now in addition to Gender Roles? What if I do not want to comply with that little aspect of homosexuality? "Well, then you are just a prude." Ha, right.
I was once having a conversation with someone about relationships in the homosexuality community and why they seem to last for only a few months to a few days or what have you. And the person I was having a conversation with told me: "Having long-term relationships is a straight thing." That pulled my goat! So being happy with one person for the rest of my life or for a long period of time is now a "Straight" thing. What the fuck does that even mean?

Mus we always have roles that we need to fill in society? Why must we act a certain way to be homosexual or straight or what have you? It disgusts me, frankly. No, not the idea of sex, but the idea of having sex with someone you have only met moments ago. This is most epitomized in the character Brian from Queer as Folk. He is a partier and loves to fuck all the time. Because he doesn't want to identify with the "Straight" community.

Straight, gay, bi, pansexual. Do these labels even matter in the end? In the end sex is sex. You stick a straight thing into a hole.

Here is my theory: As gay men we are not allowed to be intimate with other gay men at a young age. So when all the straight folks are discovering the act of kissing when they are twelve or so, we as gay men are looking on women at that age and saying to ourselves (possibly): "Well, I am not attracted to her." So then we wait to find a boy that has the same sexual persuasion as us and we have to hide our nature because we are considered taboo by popular society. When we get that first kiss we are maybe eighteen or maybe older. And by now our wonderful "sex-wanting" hormones have kicked in so we instantly go a-sexing amongst the sheets so clean because we have not had the six-plus years of exploring such things and slowly opening up to it over time that we need it NOW dammit, Sex me now! Our insecurities get the better of us and we just resort to jumping from bed to bed because we were never able to have actual relationships because for the past however long it is taboo. But society is slowly opening up to it. But sadly some of the homosexual community is giving a bad name to the rest of us.

Recently I put on my Facebook information that I like Men. Instantly the ads changed to things like: "Chat with hot guys in your area." With a half-naked boy about to put his hands down his underwear. Or "Gay porn now!" "Hot guys, hot chat!" et cetera, et cetera. Sex is a very primal thing, but that "hot guy" might be the dumbest person I have ever come across in my life.

Is it so wrong that I wish to be friends with someone before I have sex with them? Is it so wrong that I wish to be comfortable with the person emotionally before I have sex with them? Some people (straight or gay) have the wonderful ability to have sex with no strings attached. Oh, yes, because that is a fantastic thing to do. A cheap thrill for a couple hours and then you never talk to the person again. Yes, that is absolutely fantastic. My Libra is showing, excuse me. But still: Must homosexual relationships exist only on two month thrill rides with some hot young guy or one night stands with a drunk fellow you met at the rave?

The other thing that happens often (speaking of young people) is the age thing in the homosexual community. As soon as you hit thirty you start to go off the radar for a vast majority of the community. And at forty you might as well not exist anymore and just hide under a rock somewhere. Do even get started on beyond forty. In "gay years" as my friends call them forty is the age of death. You die as a gay guy at forty. Why?

Because we lost our years of youth in the time when we were the fucking closet. That is why older men want to be with younger guys to remember their youth. And there are some older guys that want to be with older guys, but those other older guys (the ones that want to have sex with younger guys) don't even notice their own peers hitting on them and asking them out on a nice dinner-date. Frankly, it's sad and degrading.
Now, I am not an agist, I make friends with everybody. But I don't want a relationship with someone vastly older than I am. It would be like having a relationship with my grandfather and that is just...wrong on so many levels. Personally, I can't wait to grow older and experience the glory of pills and walkers (See Old Dogs with Robin Williams and John Travolta for what I mean here). To be able to wave my cane at the younger generation and yell: "Get off my lawn you hooligans!" and then they laugh and spray pain a nasty word on my car and then ride off on their skateboards. I look forward to that sort of thing! I know, I'm weird!

Recently (very recently) I made a very horrible mistake to myself. I promised myself that upon moving to Spokane I was going to turn over a new leaf. I was going to not have sex with the first gay guy I met just because they were attractive in physical body. And I broke that vow to myself. Yes, I was drunk (off an excellent cognac) and I told the boy that I get very touchy feely when I am drunk (which is true, I'm rather ridiculous. This is precisely why I don't get drunk that often). And so, you can probably guess at the rest. Luckily in my drunken state I did an affirmation that I would not remember any of it and I don't. I just know it happened because he told me about it the next day in an email saying how much fun he had and yadda yadda yadda.

I was so disappointed in myself. So very angry that I had done what I hate most about my nature of being both a boy and a homosexual: I have the insatiable need for sex. It is in my nature, yes, but I have never, ever been comfortable with any of my partners. Never. And I know it is because I don't know them. I may know them by name or by face or something, but I do not know them. Really know them in a personal matter. It was just: "I want to kiss you." Mmk... Kiss, oh I have a condom, let's have sex.

And I go along with it to be accepted. Ha! Why would I want to degrade myself, sink that low into that dark pool in order to be accepted by some nimrod narcissistic nymphomaniac? Shall I allow myself to do that with all homosexuals I meet just to be accepted by them? To be loved by my fellow homosexuals?

No, no longer. If you are still reading this, I commend you for your patience. If I am going to be accepted by someone that is homosexual they will accept me for who I am and not how much of a thrill they can get out of me from sex.

I challenge you, fellow reader, can you do the same? Gay or straight, I care not. Can you overcome the need for Sex First, Know Later?

I can, and I will.